The fatty cook, the gentle housemaid, and Mrs Swanson

Script written by Juan Carlos de Lassaletta

Level 4 (3º - 4º ESO) - twenty six students

CHARACTERS

The fatty cook

She is an old woman of 60. She dreams about her retirement and she would never be forced to wake up in the early morning any more. It takes up her an hour and a half to get her job every morning.

The gentle housemaid

She is a young woman of 39. She dreams about her son and she would never leave him alone with his grandma any more. It takes up her 5 minutes get her job every morning.

Mrs Swanson

She is an old widow woman of 69. She dreams about Malaga the city where she was born. She would never be happy since her older daughter moved to Genebra to work. She has fixed awakening time: 8:30 every morning.

SCENE BREAKDOWN –

Where the play is set

The play is set in a luxurious flat. However, it doesn’t have the latest in technological gadgets so the kitchen is not modern. There isn’t even a microwave oven. The action takes place in the kitchen, the housemaid’s private room, and the lounge.

Scene I
Music: Mi vida eres tu, salsa music plays.
(Scene is set in the cook’s kitchen. The house maid is washing the dishes at the sink. The cook comes in from doing the shopping heavily loaded carrying two bags in each hand. She is annoyed and in bad a mood. Nobody speaks until the cook starts demanding attention using bad manners.)

The fatty cook:

I am fed up. I am always carrying such stuff and I never get a rest. And the sidewalk is under construction and I had to walk round the corner on the road. A car almost ran over me. Is Mrs Swanson at home?

The gentle housemaid: (she steps back from the sink and gets a towel to dry her hands)

Yes she is. Only a minute before you came in she asked me if you had already returned. She misses her crossword magazine badly.

The fatty cook:

What on earth does she think I am? Make room in the kitchen drawer and in the fridge to put all this (she leaves the bags on the floor in a mess) as I have to review the shopping bills to show them to Mrs Swanson.

The gentle housemaid:

You can count on me with that stuff so that I add together the bills from the last shop we did. May I give you a hand?

The fatty cook: (she sits at the white table in the middle of the kitchen)

Don’t tell me I am stupid! By the way, shouldn’t you have my money? I asked for it yesterday and you told me tomorrow would be your day off so you could pass by an ATM to get the cash.

The gentle housemaid:

I am afraid it is not going to be possible. Tomorrow I am sending my mother her monthly pay. (She leaves the kitchen and goes to her private room)

Scene II

No music:

(The scene is set in the kitchen around a table both having a coffee break.)

The fatty cook: (She sits and calls the housemaid with a soft voice)

It’s time for a break. I have poured some coffee, have a biscuit. They are great! They taste so good.

The gentle housemaid: (she enters and sits opposite her at the table.)

Thank you, it is very kind of you.

The fatty cook:

The hell with me! I forgot to pass by the chemist to pay. I usually face a monthly charge of €50 at least.

The gentle housemaid:

Jesus Christ! You don’t get paid enough to face such a level of spending. You are in the red every month; before you get paid, you pay everything out.

The fatty cook: (she stands up speaking aloud)

Don’t tell me how to run my life!  Take my money tomorrow instead of telling me off.! And worry about your own life. You are always missing your only child. What kind of life is that?

The gentle housemaid:

Get lost! (She leaves the kitchen and goes to her private room)

Scene III

No Music:

(The scene is set in the private room for the house maid next to the kitchen. The cook makes a dramatic entrance through the doors as the scene starts. The housemaid is having a rest.)

The fatty cook:

The hell with you!  Your lady is calling what are you doing lying in bed?

The gentle housemaid: (she is awake watching the TV set against the wall beside the bed.)

She is calling you. You better go; I would say she is desperate missing her crosswords badly. Don’t be so upset!

The fatty cook:

Are you kidding me!  You better take the bloody magazines and hand them to her, immediately, or who is right now the servant here?

The gentle housemaid: (she gets up and faces her.)

The matter is.. What is it? You know, take the money back to Mrs Swanson just right now, and instead of giving it back whenever you want. Put everything in order, and collect your wallet and show her it is all right.

The fatty cook: (The bells is ringing again and again)

You know, your days are ending here, at this house, for you. You’ll see; Take my advice and stay away from me! (She turns and leaves)

Scene IV
Music: Imagine. (The Beatles)

(Mrs Swanson is in the lounge and the housemaid is crying sitting on a chair beside the favourite Mrs Swanson’s armchair who is sitting nervously waiting to be called.)

The gentle housemaid:

Let me say …I am leaving the house, forever; this is the last straw Mrs Swanson, I can’t stand it any more. I am going to run away.

Mrs Swanson:

Has a telephone call been received this afternoon? Bring the phone to me now and call my daughter, you know she has arrived in the airport before half past three, what time is it? I see the time now is six minutes past four. Prepare the spare bedroom, the one she likes the most, get everything ready for her, and put her favourite sweets on the night bedside table.

The gentle housemaid: (she continues crying)

However, this is up to you. You have to take a decision on these things.

(The telephone is ringing)

Mrs Swanson: (Lift the receiver.)

Dear it is you.  It is me! Dear, my dear daughter at last. I was wondering where you were. I love you the most in my life; come as soon as possible all is ready and we are waiting for you. You know it.

Scene V
Music: Martial Arts

(Scene set in the cook’s kitchen .This is a fight scene done in slow motion with the three characters moving around the stage doing martial arts moves.)

Scene VI

Music: Dramatic piano music plays.

(The cook dances a dramatic style dance to open the scene. She starts crying. Mrs Swanson comes onto stage. The decision has been taken and as a result, the fatty cook is fired.)

Mrs Swanson:

My daughter is in her way to stay here for a weekend. I need you for the weekend, afterwards you‘ll get extra time to look for a new job, this is over for you. Bear in mind that if there any problems with my daughter’s stay you will be made redundant without any extra pay. This is all I have to say on the matter. Do you understand the meaning all this has?

The fatty cook: (she continues crying)

Are you firing me?  You better take it easy; this is so much of a sudden decision isn’t it?

Mrs Swanson:

A decision has to be taken if should there be peace and quite around this house again, I can’t bear it any more.

The fatty cook: (she continues crying)

I would appreciate it if you could do the best for me, you know for all the years working for you.

Mrs Swanson:

No doubt, but prepare that rice with meat so tasty and that it is as delicious as my daughter says every time she has lunch at home. The crucial fact is that my daughter is returning home and I have been dreaming about this for weeks.

I want to thank you, because I am sure you’ll know how welcome her as best as you can.

The fatty cook: (she is hopeful and stops crying.)

I’ll do my best take it for sure. Thank you Mrs Swanson. I won’t let you down, you can count on me.

(The curtain falls.)